Paint, Drywall Mud, Building the Pyramids, and Expectations

So today I built the pyramids. Actually, I painted my downstairs hallway but in my world it translates to about the same thing. And by I, I actually mean we. Greg had to chip in and help after realizing that it was going to take me about as long as it took to build the pyramids had I kept doing it myself. I would’ve. Planned on it. Except that someone once had the brilliant idea to texture the walls with drywall mud.

Now I’m sure, as with many new ideas starting out to solve a problem, that it made perfect sense at the time. A seemingly cheap and easy fix for either cracked plaster or a crappy drywall job. So I get it. But it’s horrible horrible horrible (did I mention it’s horrible?) to paint. And the fact that anyone would ever add texture to another surface after painting the ridiculously-impossible-to-paint surface the first time is completely beyond me. (Seriously. I will never move into another house with texture on any wall or ceiling. Or floor. ‘Cause that would be really uncomfortable, but that’s probably not a thing. Like texture on walls or ceilings shouldn’t be a thing.)

I mean, here I was trying to spruce up the place a little bit with a nice coat of paint. No big deal. I was ready. I started out by carefully trying to cut in the trim with a little brush to eventually make the walls easier to roll. Y’know, do the hard and tedious work first. And it was awful but I comforted myself with the big portions getting done So. Much. Quicker. with the roller later. “‘Specially designed” for such things, so the package and Home Depot paint guy boasted.

But the thing about rolling textured walls is that the mud/texture gets mushy if it gets too wet so it sorta breaks down. The other thing about texture is that it requires so much paint because of all the nooks and crannies. So basically it’s like painting the equivalent of thousands of English Muffins. Try painting one and you’ll get me.

I expected a fairly straightforward process.

Ha! There’s my problem! I guess you could say that about life. Much like today’s painting job, it has not turned out like I expected. But when I’m tempted to be disappointed or think there’s maybe another life out there for me, I have to ask myself some pretty probing questions:

What’s your problem? and What’s wrong with you?
My problem often lies in my expectations. When expectations aren’t met, a person can get pretty frustrated, disappointed, or covered in paint.

There’s a moral in here somewhere.
Actually, there’s more like 4.
1.) Stop expecting things: especially things like things turning out the way you expect.

2.) Never ever ever ever ever ever ever use texture on walls or ceilings unless you have a bazillion gillion dollars with which you can pay folks to paint them for you.

3.) Since it’s cruel and unusual punishment for anyone to paint textured walls, regardless of how much money you pay them, see part 1 of Moral #2. (Or just read it again here: Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever use texture on walls or ceilings. At least not the kind I have in my house. Fancy shmancy artsy, I don’t know.

4.) Apparently, spraying paint on textured walls is the way to do it so if I had to give you some advice and you have to paint that textured stuff, spray it on. (Whatever that means. Obviously, with the roller, two paint brushes, two pans, four walls, a husband and I already wet with paint, it was a little late to change course. I stopped reading the sage advice on Google about painting textured walls after “Spray…” This may or may not indicate that it may or may not really be as big a deal as it was for me. Whatever. I’m probably not going to change my mind on this one.)

If I had to reiterate, which I don’t but am in an effort for a clean finish, don’t texture and don’t have expectations. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty excited about learning two! things today. Or at least having them reinforced…