Brain Conversation

  

 I must insist, brain,

 That you quiet down.

 Yes, I am the boss of you.

 Even if, at this minute, 

 That seems untrue. 

 Even if taking you captive

 Seems an impossible feat,

 I am.

 I can no longer afford your company 

 In its current way of being.

 You have taunted and shamed 

 And convinced me that

 All my best parts are buried and forgotten.

 Encouraged me to blame.

 Riddled me with confusion.

 And though “I listen to my words but they fall far below”* *Cat Stevens

 As an honest admission 

 Sounds terribly weak and puny,

 There is truth to it.

 In spite of all your efforts to confound me,

 (And with so much life feeling to be swallowing me up)

 Maybe I ought to be relieved.

 In healthier moments

 Such “sensitivity” coins as “virtuous.”

 I don’t know what makes the difference:

 Why and when moments posing as majestic or terrible

 As savor-able or unbearable

 As breathtaking mountaintop or suffocating pit

 Pose thus.

 That song 

 Before today too light, too cheesy

 In light of today’s darkness 

 Held just about too much poignancy to bear.

 I want to put words to this

 more-than-anxiety more-than-depression more-than-difficult

 overwhelming-not-severe-enough

 terrifying-may-be-a-start

 Experience.

 Suffice it to say

 I want to figure it out,

 Only it’s you who needs do the figuring

 (you and your ridiculously murky waters).

 Come to think of it,

 Such navigation requires a sounder captain.

 I think I’ll ask your Maker.

 He’ll know.

 Brace yourself.

 ‘Cause for all your best efforts,

 He’ll undo you

 In all and truly best ways…