45 years old and I’m still wasting time.
Waiting (in vain) for some life to start: waiting for more than just getting through, just finding something to look forward to, just distracting enough to fill moments with meager amusements only to find that it’s all ash and dust, leaving me more hollow, bereft, and with less time to fill, with the quality I crave, than when I started.
What if I – we all – were just honest with Him?
Remembered this terrible plight, admitted our utter inability to be different (by our own hands and efforts) and held up all these teeny lives for His loving scrutiny, His healing?
What if I allowed Him to crispify the ugliness, the complete folly and sin of all this wastefulness and trusted Him to transform the ashes to beauty?
What if I were honest? What if I trusted the Life that’s there to be the Life it is and simply let It Be? Simply enjoyed and celebrated that He Is So?
What if I just handed over all-that’s-wrong to All-His-Right?
What if I remembered to celebrate the Life more than I bemoaned the death?
It would not be wasteful. It would not be in vain. It would not be disappointing, hopeless, a dead end, a new regret, or just another guilt infusing pursuit.
The only ashes would be turned beauty. There would be no more hollows or scramblings, guilt, regret or lost time.
There would be – because there is if we’ll have it – living water brimming up and spilling over.
There would be fullness and it would well up by virtue of its generosity, its very inability to atrophy, and spread more goodness.
Like spring in the light and and the warmth, the pulse of this great sleepy life would quicken and enliven to its Creator, by its Creator, because of and in response to His Life in it.
Praise and thanks, great God, for fresh starts, new seasons, and most of all that You Are and So.