Not-really-blogging blogging… And other bewildering experiences

So this is blogging. Not really. This is more like oh-my-goodness-I’m-actually-typing-in-the-body/text-box! But only because I didn’t start with a title this time. Three times I started with a title, moved the cursor to the body square, and tried pasting a poem which ended up in the title place. I’ve decided to leave the title ’til last. ‘Specially since I don’t know what to call this bewildering, unexpected whatever AND because that poem thing didn’t work out… (I took it as a sign.)

See, I am a fan of words and I’m a fan of fans of words. I am not, however, a fan of learning this new language of computer speak (is that even the right word anymore? Does an iPad count as a “computer”?). Everyone told me how easy it is. So I signed up. (That sounded way easier than it actually was. And shorter. This has been how many years in coming? You don’t know. Obviously I don’t know. My words may keep me sane, but maybe not you so much?) Anyway, after looking through a bunch of others’ beautiful layouts and photos, I was catapulted to that how did I not get that gene or information place. That feeling  I’ve seriously missed something. I wanted to share words; some that I’ve put together and that I hoped would edify you, and some from a whole lot of others who have edified me.

But I’ll be honest. I am not a little concerned that all this option business is going to undo all my (quite possibly naive) hopes about adding something to the world and maybe even a life or two. Afraid, as usual, that it won’t be enough, that I won’t be enough, that the efforts won’t be enough, enough, Enough, ENOUGH! (That is most definitely one of those words that looks wrong and weird after seeing it a few times in a row.) That I should probably just fade off into oblivion, forget the whole writing business (again) and go clean something. ‘Cause when all else fails, you might as well clean something. Didn’t know that until I had children. Shockingly therapeutic.

Anyway, enter Greg. Probably best to meet him up front. He’s the world’s best reminder of all that Amy Needs To Remember. Any success I may enjoy often has some direct link to him. He reminded me that I baked my standard 8 loaves of bread this Saturday morning for our little family of 7. He reminded me that I haven’t been sitting in front of a computer for the last however many years of my life to learn all of this stuff. And then he reminded me as I wanted to believe him while also feeling like a complete failure that this is supposed to be fun. Which it wasn’t. And maybe still isn’t (I haven’t quite decided and this is not at all what I expected to put as my very first post. [I think that’s the right word.]).

After a little kayaking and enjoying a “bajillion” (what my children have recently come to call any relatively large but unspecified quantity of anything) cormorants sitting regally in the trees just being what they are, I came home to face this whole blogging thing again. And then after desperately failing in deciding whether to have Lucky Charms or chips and salsa, (I’m doing my best to remain true to myself. At least in terms of a lifetime love affair with Lucky Charms.) and  settling on both (but not together) I followed that with a little vanilla vodka and water on ice. (Wow does that all sound terribly gross. Would it help if you knew that I also have avocados and limes and lots of other fresh fruits and veggies around? That I normally drink Jameson’s on ice? Maybe I should add specs here to beef up my legitimacy… I mean… readership. I also love Jesus, home school my children, homestead, hmmm, obsess a little too much about getting things right, what else? [I just read about tags and categories. Can you tell?]) Anyway, I resolved to not take myself so seriously. So I started writing. When I was ready to scrap the whole thing and hit “delete” (which I couldn’t find…) Greg reminded me (see?) that it’s not literature, it’s just a blog, that these are baby steps, that it evolves, etc., etc.

So, the moral of the story is, I don’t know what I’m doing, other than that I want to write. And though something in me rejects hitting “publish” after so little editing (can you tell?) it was kinda fun, this stream of consciousness approach. What I wanted to say initially, with all kinds of poise and grace and elegance and with a user friendly (but impossibly elusive), beautiful presentation, was that words have power (though I’ve probably not proved that with my overuse of them here). Words have the ability to build or destroy. I vote for build and hope to do my part in advocating and perpetuating the notion. I hope you’ll join me.