Blessedly Forced Reckoning


Shhhh…. He whispers.

With so many words

This breeze

Ailments-forcing-downtime

A rocked-jacked-up-unexpected-turn-of-events

Forced inactivity

This fragility I’m tempted to begrudge

Turns out’s my greatest asset

As it makes room

For all His goodness

That I temporarily forgot

In all my (quite-temporary-and-posing-as) capability.

Oh, Lord,

How majestic is

– Not just Your Name –

But Your way

You

Light as a feather

Heavy as a mountain

More besides and all the in betweens

Wild

Sweet

Huge

Complete

Staggered, lonely, and full am I

With such a God as You

You Are

And Everywhere

Help us see YOU

Premeditated Posturing


Nothin’ like my wretched to bring out yours.

And you may mind me saying,

But there’s nothin’ like your wretched to bring out mine.

I know you’re not trying to NOT know me,

But you’re not trying TO either.

It’s hard to hug so much premeditated posturing,

And I’m sorry I walk away disappointed in you.

I don’t know why.

Your refusal to know me

Is just another reflection of my own ugliness.

This isn’t all there is.

Praise His Name –

This isn’t all there is.

Bear with me,

I’ll bear with you and

Shed this outgrown itchy skin

For a fresh one

That gleams and shines

‘Neath the light.

Inviting, welcoming,

Ready and new for receiving all you offer, it’s

Impermeable to stings and scratches.

Forgive my absorption of your ugliness:

– please disregard it –

As if I didn’t have my own to be rid of,

I’ve gone and lazily let yours ooze through.

Like so much poison all our transgressions

May mingle and choke out the healthy

If we’re not careful.

I know better.

A better way

An excellent way

A less garment-like way;

One that doesn’t have to be changed nor shed

One that is rooted in – Who is – love and righteousness.

Who never tires, nor offends, nor spoils.

Who extends love to a thousand generations.

Make us so, Lord.

Forgive these petty (though still dire) offenses,

Be our love and

Thank You for Yours.


I’d be a well meaning but destructive spectator in this wide world of perils:

Free the butterfly from his cocoon

The spider from his molt

Quicken the buffalo calf from the wolves’ pursuit

Make all the carnivores vegetarians.

I’d upset the natural order of things in favor of less:

Less effort, less running, less power

Thereby weakening all things and

Have the place overrun.

Instead of shrinking and fearing all these threats,

I pray to meet them as He’s directed:

Be strong and courageous

Not lettuce leaf wilt

‘Neath what would challenge.

Head up, shoulders back, forehead like flint

May I take hold of a freely offered inheritance as

Little conqueror.

Rally

“Lacking in nothing”

Oh, the wonder of this –

This puny puddle

Rallies a little

A slack everything

Perks up with the suggestion

And thrills

To think

It possible

Reclamation

The fullness and

Scope of this

Gulf Stream life

And I’m right saturated and

Even bogged down while moved along.

Regardless of my desire for calmer (stagnant?) waters
I’m the mom

For all practical purposes

But all I feel is to be

“Like butter spread over too much bread”*

*Bilbo Baggins

All these children’s questions

Charge the particles

In my like-an-old-school-tv’s

Snowy insides:
Instead of jolting to life,

Every word

Zaps already taut and sensitive fibers

And this tired old battery sparks only to grinding.
Proof again

That mere machinations

Aren’t the source of life and

Just-function won’t sustain any of us.

Without the proper mechanic’s lifeblood to

Recalibrate all these lifeless moving parts we’re all just

Bound for the junk heap.

Overdue

I wheel myself in for inspection:

Open the hood

Expose the innards

Wait for His assessment.

It took me way longer to get here than it takes for Him to look.

Surprisingly gentle, thorough, and quick

He fusses with something (I don’t see what) and
I expect the damage report – as ever –

To be that this time I’ve ridden too far, too long

Without this scrutiny, this help, this exposure.

Instead, He bids me turn the ignition and

– Expecting dead space –

A deep resonant purr sounds instead.

Instead of more static misfires and sparks

A healthy hum of life and connection fires full and throaty.

Smiling

I shake my head in wonder and thanks and

Roll forward back into the stream

Anticipating a new horizon and steady current to

Carry me along, the Master Mechanic’s prints? My map.

Thank You.

Relief

A new peace descends
It’ll probably be displaced by some scurrying, unexpected,

Terrible trouble

But –

For this moment

Trouble, lofty pursuits,

“Grander” things

(Than savoring a bit of quiet)

Seem a little trumped up

Falsely grand

(a little silly?).

I don’t mean to judge

It’s just that

This new peace that’s descended

Seems enough to accomplish most anything

– Seems like everything –

Without lots of trying

And I do hope that this basking

Will serve to extend it

If even a little further…
Thank You, Lord.
Psalm 34:10

James 1:4

Jesus Is

  

Jesus is kinda punk rock
No warning 

Unpredictable

All freedom

‘Cept drive’s not gone awry: 

No violence serving ignoble purposes

– He’s still hardcore –

Tumultuous and jarring as a mosh pit

He’s not all piety and whispers

But He is clean

Sometimes quiet

Reorienting 

Jesus is kinda Baroque:

Orderly 

Beautiful

Calming, invigorating

Jesus is kinda hippy:

Free, earthy

Not bound to norms

Colorful

Airy

Akin to blowin’ with the wind

Jesus is kinda conservative

Fitted too for suits

Intentional, shrewd, spot on, exacting, rigorous.

Calm, cool, collected

And still authentically authentic

As lion, lamb, dove, serpent.

No wonder all these appeal and

– Each but a strain of a more excellent way –

Speak to us

Trouble is, err too much on the side of one

And the others get forsaken.

Why not dig deep

Stretch a little and

Embrace smatterings of each 

Unabashedly

All out

Orderly 

Wild

Earthy

Carefully

Taste and see all the richness 

Of the one in the many

Not make up a limited mind 

Held in and unfinished

Towards one and only best way

But all in, eyes open, ready to see The Way

As it – as He – chooses to present

And so regard with love and awake to those

Who wear His other colors

And so 

Regard

The Him in the them

Sugaring season

It’s that time again. And I love it.  
Steam and fire, wind and sleet

This shack’s where in- and outside meet

Before this gift here’s at its finish will

Meet heat and coal to quite diminish

All from a boil that allows the clear

And cold run sap to disappear

Up through the air as tiny drops

Float up and up (to the treetops?)

Which leave behind the golden stick 

That boils and boils from thin to thick

And ends up in my coffee, tea

(And fingers, quite in spite of me)

Oh for the sake of sweet so fine

I labor here to make it mine.
But before the sugar shack I have

To make my way ’round yard and back

Where buckets wait in mystery

With treasures held for me to see

I peek inside each one with great

Big hope as I anticipate

How much? How much? lies there within

That bucket; is it thick or thin

With sap, oh tree, are you ready to

Share what’s yours with me, are you?

Is it time? Is it now?

(I’m a child who’s waited all year through

For this present once again that’s new!)
Emptying time. 
I grab the buckets, lift, unload

The metal’s cold, my muscles groan.

I set my face

Quicken my pace

 Through mud, grass, leaves, and ice or snow

Forth and back through taps and trees

I wonder how the count will be

Will I run out of storage space

Or need to slow my boiling pace

For smaller yields and lesser gains?

No matter what, I’ll take these pains

For nectar sweet as honeybees’

 Maple syrup time requires of me.
 

And when I start to tire or feel

The weight of work I do so real

I stop and breathe the crisp new breath

Of spring’s onset and winter’s death

The air is fresh the work is good:

This mix of fire, sap, steam, and wood

And all this bounty’s yielded up

In this li’l yard from nature’s cup

The gold brown gift on counter sits

For king or peasant present fit

A taste so good, pure, and unique

It needs no help, no aid, no tweak
But to watch the boil, this takes a bit

Of preference, here I do admit

To decide how much to load the fire 

And when, how much, in order to

Each facet must be much thought through

Or not; sometimes I’ll let it be 

And not take things so seriously

There’s oft a rhythm there’s oft some fun

(A time for each thing ‘neath the sun!)

To sit, to work, to watch, to try

And delight in time that passes by  
The process by which it comes about

I just can’t say enough about

‘Cause I get to stand and watch and wait

And walk and load, elucidate

And wonder, move and load again

(And again and again and again and again.)

How many jobs are under heaven

Where work’s the dough and time’s the leaven

That allows for a product 

From patience and grace

Quite without all attempts to quicken the pace?

I’m the watchman, the gatherer, the participant here

But transforming magic? Quite beyond me, that’s clear.
  

Love and a Waiting Room

In the waiting room
There’re all these darling couples

All this youth and love

All this wrapped-up-in-each-other sweetness

Primped and dressed for world-presentation

There are undeniable glimpses of the behind-closed-doors them:

Their private life and intimacy’s

Worn out here too –

In the way they look deep

(with suggestions and strains of hungry)

Light touches

The business of their daily’s

Peppered with playful talk and soft laughter

They’re marked by an insulating strength

In their unuttered yet undeniable shared secret

Bound together by the primal-est bindings 

To threaten their unity-strength’s

To threaten one’s own pullulation 

Their occasional comfortable silence carries 

Right back to comfortable sharing

Inadvertently staring 

My can’t-help-it-you’re-so-beautiful sunshine

Tries soaking in theirs

Without interrupting their gravity 

Aware of my olderness and otherness

I’m startlingly struck by and reminded about the wonderfulness of people-potential

When we’re bound together by life and love

Cautioned afresh about the fragility and power of the ties that bind us

All this protected selfish loving and I

Remember our sameness

This part of humanness and

How every love affair’s uniquely its own and

Every love affair’s a wonderful miracle

As common as day

Remarkable as light

All these lovely swelling bellies

Testament to life and hope and LOVE

The preservation and perpetuation of all these 

A love affair of all of us

Vulnerable and Married: together at last

Maybe my reluctance towards intimacy
Is an innate refusal to be possessed

Maybe I’ve bought the wrong lines

Regarding sacred union

Maybe I’ve perceived all the wrong sacrificial requirements

Maybe I’ve seen love (inadequately, tragically, falsely)

As an all “giving up”

Instead of following that gift through

To its more accurately and absolutely “all getting” 

I have kept you over there – arm’s length

(A safer distance, I thought)

Instead of drawing closer

(In desperate self-protection, I think)

And here, instead of “Impressive Impenetrable Fortress”

As my welcome mat

I have “Lonelier Than Ever”

Starving in this false autonomy

I’m sorry, my lover, my darling, and

(I mean it and vow to grow into all those designations)

I will try…

…No.

I will welcome you.

I will be patient

I will be gentle 

I will surrender in right ways

I will treat this ground and the one who shares it with me as sacred.

I will stop fearing the inadequacy of my own self possession

Stop seeing an enemy where there is you:

Welcome guest, honored, cherished, trusted, (wildly patient!) invited friend and lover.